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The nite I yelled at Remy…and the events that led to it.

May 12, 2010

The week after @RemySavoyRD almost kissed me and then pulled away was horrible…after a few days we did speak again and Remy told me he’d come over to see me. I was happy to see him though deep inside, still pissed and confused because of what happened on Sunday. So the nite Remy was supposed to come, I had spoken to a few friends and made me realize that I might have overreacted as always. I was really impatient and happy to see Remy and @HunterSavoyRD…but they never came! I waited for them but they were a no-show and Remy didn’t even call. I felt hurt and worthless…I had been ditched by Remy with no reasons.

The next day still no word from Remy. I was really confused and upset. But then, the next day Remy finally called. I was so happy to hear from him but I couldn’t help it…I was cold with him on the phone. Because of what had happened that weekend and his no-show…I wanted to protect myself and decided to be a bit distant. Remy and I…we just clicked. From the first day we met, we got along great! Things have always been easy between us and yet this week…things were so tense. It was horrible. I was so angry at him…Even being his adorable self, I couldn’t help but get irritated…The events of this week had me real confused. I didn’t know what to think of Remy anymore. Was he toying with me?

Remy proposed to take me to Bon Temps Fitness center on Sat to see if a physio could make my neck better. My neck’s been painful for days now…*sighs* Anyways, things were still tense with Remy…but I kept my mouth shut as I was happy at the idea of getting a massage that might make me finally feel better. That never happened! Can’t I ever catch a break? Before you know it, the physio started hitting on me and then he touched my ass! I was so upset, what am I? Some sort of doll that men can just play with? I stormed out of there wearing nothing but a towel and went to the gym to see Remy. As I walked to Remy some jerks whistled at me…*sighs* Anyways, I ignored them and told Remy what happened. Remy was so upset…He told me to get dressed and wait for him at the truck with Hunter. I…still don’t know what he did or said to that jerk and I won’t ask. Remy is an closed book you see…I don’t know anything about him except that he’s a good man, great even who has son and an ex wife who’s a vampire. Remy is very secretive and I think he doesn’t trust me enough to tell me about him and his past…so I don’t ask.
The ride home was umm…to say tense would be an understatement. We didn’t talk.

At home, we were on the couch, I was upset by everything that had happened this week and that jerk who touched my ass was the last drop…my neck is painful, I see a professional and I can’t even get a proper massage. Could my life suck more? Remy noticed I was upset and lightly touched my wrist…I can’t explain it but it made me angry and I just stormed into my room. Remy followed me and sat next to me on the bed and he tried to comfort me by putting his arm around me. Again…this made me angry. What does he want from me? Remy confuses the hell outta me. I pushed him away and stood up and then I did something that I regret so much…I yelled at him! I never yelled at anyone and yet I started yelling at the one person who treats me good…treats me with respect. I unloaded all my bottled up stress and frustration on him. Asking him what he wants from me? If he just wants to be friends? Told him that I had feelings and that he couldn’t just toy with me like that…That when he pulled away from that almost-kiss, I felt worthless and rejected again…I was just mean! I am never mean and yet I was mean with Remy…my dear dear Remy. I dunno how long I yelled at him but it was long…Remy just sat there looking at me and didn’t say a word and that just angered me even more. I so hoped he would react and open up for once. But he didn’t. After a while he just stood up, paused next to me and left. At that exact moment, I feared that that was the last time I’d ever see Remy.

I felt so miserable. I just grabbed a bottle rum I had bought to make some Pina Coladas (You know me and coconuts…) and drank it all. I drank my sorrow and misery away. What happened next…I don’t remember unfortunately. That nite  is a blank. I don’t remember anything after Remy’s departure. I just remember waking up naked in bed and hungover. I was so confused…I looked around and saw that I was alone yet naked. Why? You know how you feel after having sex? Well…that’s kinda how I felt…but yet I was alone. Did Remy come back? Nah. I was confused. I then remembered having a very vivid sex dream with @Nathaniel_LGrey that nite…that freaked me out so I immediately checked my neck and that other place that vampires like to bite for bite marks but there was none. I was relieved and just convinced myself that I only had a dream. A very vivid one maybe cuz of the alcohol as I am not used to drinking.

I spent the rest of the day feeling like crap, hungover…and confused as hell. Feeling bad for yelling at Remy and certain that he hated me now.

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